P. Juan José Juárez P., msp

With the new models in marriage, where both spouses work –even in traditional matrimonies where the wife lives as a housewife and the husband as an employee who works to sustain the family– with more frequency we hear many spouses claim that love begins to fade. Things are not the same anymore, mutual feelings are changing and diminishing, to the point of not being concerned with what happens to the spouse, revealing that they are distant more each time. What is worst is to hear either spouse say that he or she feels better being with another person of the opposite sex than with his or her own partner.

Constant and devoted communication
All of this is due to the lack of fundamental elements in matrimonial life. First, the absence of God, which slowly begins to create profound voids in each one’s personal and interpersonal relationships. Second, the lack of interest in continuing to know the other person one has chosen to travel this journey of love, for they tend to forget that frequent communication is an irreplaceable commitment. As with any human enterprise, love needs to be nourished. Including in the vocation of consecrated people, if communication with the One who calls does not happen, then God’s will is not understood causing desertion and disappointment. A similar thing happens with matrimony. When these elements disappear and the compromise breaks, even in small things, loneliness invades the couple giving way to the possible intrusion of strangers. Perhaps useful, nonetheless, these strangers might bring more harm to the relationship for they are not the most suitable for listening and solving a couple’s conflicts.
Constant and committed communication will build bridges of tolerance, respect, patience, understanding, reconciliation and love between spouses. Then after, the walls we build in our human relationships, due to our human nature, start to crumble, thus each spouse begins to join again as in an inevitable fusion of two flames that strengthens their marriage making it indestructible in all aspects of life; thanks to communication confidence grows, as well as, love.

Affable and solidary conversation…
The Word of God says, «The husband of a good wife is a fortunate man; he will live twice as long because of her. A fine wife is a joy to her husband, and he can live out his years in peace. A good wife is among the precious blessings given to those who fear the Lord. Whether such men are rich or poor, they will be happy and always look cheerful. A woman’s beauty makes a man happy; there is no fairer sight for the human eye to see. If the woman is kind and gentle in her speech, her husband is the most fortunate man» (Sir 26: 1-4; 36: 22-23).
It is not physical beauty that brings perseverance or makes the matrimonial project ever lasting in vigor. It is the dialogue of both spouses with God and between each other, because the only thing that lasts until the end is the capacity to communicate, either with words or with our signs of tenderness and love. Dialogue, which should be constant, sincere and humble, motivates a couple so as not to impose, one over the other, their ideas or tries to dominate their dialogue, their projects or their relationship. Therefore, communication should be of quality, willing to listen to one another and reach agreements, accepting healthy discussions that lead to better themselves and their children too.
The motor of every communication must include having the desire to do what is best for the other person, this will make the spouses join in solidarity: «in happiness, in adversity and in sorrow, in health and sickness, in poverty and prosperity.» When God created man and woman, He created them with the purpose of providing mutual help and companionship for each other. Each one should be, for the other, the person with whom he or she can always count on in their needs, the first one to call on to share their sorrows and happiness (cf Gn 2: 18-25).
Mutual help should be habitual and shared especially in moments of extreme need. The deepest longing of those who get married is to have a companion when the good or bad times arrive. Matrimony offers the hope that guarantees this help and companionship. In marriage, when things go from bad to worst, dialogue should be restored with God, who is the fountain of love and dialogue between spouses, who have engaged their lives forever. This is the best way to take action and prevent circumstances that hinder the project of love in matrimonial life. Dialogue, such a simple art, can save any relationship from falling into the precipice of exasperation and emptiness.

Lic. Rebeca Reynaud

Every form of education can be translated in two words: «affection and system», in other words, «love and authority». It is an inseparable binomial and, if one of them is missing education loses its balance. An integral education considers the formation of character, in other words, the assimilation of human virtues. There are 187 virtues or ethical behaviors. When educating children, attention should be centered on the development of their highest possibilities. We must educate children to become autonomous –which does not mean independence– so they can govern themselves, and act according to what their conscience dictates. First, it is understood, their conscience must be well formed.
Dr. Marveya Villalobos says that, «authentic paternity is spiritual, it is the support that we give to people, to make them feel loved, especially, to feel accepted. The most transcendental thing in the process of educating a person is immaterial: accompaniment. It is necessary that children learn to decide and assume the consequences of their own decisions. If we allow children to behave according to their impulses, such as fury, they may inhibit their capacities.»
What does a child want? They want to be heard, loved, and accepted. A child must be corrected when he or she misbehaves, but with serenity and at the appropriate time, otherwise he will feel the lack of parental support. Then it will remain clear to him that he is loved and accepted. When rules are not given to a child –due to softness or lack of character by the parents– that child suffers, for he or she does not know what to expect, feeling as if something is missing; that «something» is the support of an authority. It is easier to say «yes» to children, than to say «no», however it is necessary to set limits, for their own good, so there is order and discipline, and to prevent them from becoming tyrants.
The two biggest sins in a family, says Dr. Villalobos, are ignorance and selfishness. Parents must know their children, give them time and energy. The only way to help them strengthen their will is to make them have more tolerance during frustration, teach them to face what is difficult and unpleasing, with optimism and with a spirit of courage.
The only duty of the parents is to make their children become good people. Been good children implies been good friends, good students, good brothers, good boyfriends and girlfriends, good spouses, good parents, good citizens… If we want children to be good, one must be able to hear them, guide them and accept them. They need to be helped in learning how to be capable of recovering from life’s mistreats, and from others, and adapt to the circumstances.
Children are people too, capable of making contributions: they may become the fountain of initiatives, that is why, they need to be heard, and help them think on the pros and cons, about their decisions. Many times what they cannot think by themselves, they think about it after talking with their parents and friends, because expressing their projects helps them think deeper.
When a parent or a teacher wants to educate, they search for the most adequate resources to provide during instruction; they become more aware of the depth or lack of it of their own virtues and that of others. Every virtue derives from love and knowledge of one self. Therefore, the depth of love and humbleness of heart determines the depth of every virtue. What benefits children and students the most are good examples, which happen to be the best resource for education, in addition to being congruent.
Today, when much is being discussed whether sexual education must be imparted in kindergarten or not, it is obvious that it would be better to educate kids in acquiring human virtues, in other words, education of the will, so they may build good habits: generosity, moderation, strength, sincerity, honesty, responsability, joyful and respectful of the elderly.
Recently, Benedict XVI said: «Have great respect for the institution of the sacrament of Matrimony. There cannot be true happiness in homes if, at the same time, there is no fidelity among spouses (…). At the same time, God calls to show each other respect at the time of falling in love and during engagement since conjugal life, by divine disposition, destined for married couples, is only a fountain of happiness and peace in the measure you know how to make chastity, in and out of matrimony, a treasure of your future hopes» (Address of Pope Benedict XVI to the youth at Pacaembu Stadium, in Sao Paulo, Brazil, May 9, 2007).